(no subject)
Mar. 19th, 2019 09:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
colebaltblueTherapy has been good for me.
It's taught me some really valuable skills on how to process my anxiety. This job stuff is stressful, but using the tools my therapist gave me I'm slowly working through it by allowing myself to process the big scary what-ifs and oh-my-gods. That's not to say I haven't been on edge, picking fights that don't need to be picked and losing my patience quicker with my wife and kids, but for the most part the worst of my anxiety has been manageable. I've been sleeping and not as checked-out as I usually am when in the midst of an anxiety spike.
We've also been working on my core beliefs. It's reared it's head again as I've explained that I hate that they are pursuing me so heavily - what if the person they THINK I am isn't anywhere close to who I actually am and I start working for them and it's terrible and I'm terrible and they HATE me and it all goes to shit?!? It might be easy to laugh, but these are deep, visceral, REAL fears that dominate my thoughts.
I think it's also helped that I've had a series of absolutely GORGEOUS rides on my horse. Not just pretty like weather stuff, but just really magical in how we've come together to work. I still jump a little too quickly to "DO IT NOW" demand and skip the first ask nicely, then tell clearly, then demand firmly. It offends him a bit, but we're both quicker about coming back from that and trying again. We have a clinic soon and I'm very excited!
It's taught me some really valuable skills on how to process my anxiety. This job stuff is stressful, but using the tools my therapist gave me I'm slowly working through it by allowing myself to process the big scary what-ifs and oh-my-gods. That's not to say I haven't been on edge, picking fights that don't need to be picked and losing my patience quicker with my wife and kids, but for the most part the worst of my anxiety has been manageable. I've been sleeping and not as checked-out as I usually am when in the midst of an anxiety spike.
We've also been working on my core beliefs. It's reared it's head again as I've explained that I hate that they are pursuing me so heavily - what if the person they THINK I am isn't anywhere close to who I actually am and I start working for them and it's terrible and I'm terrible and they HATE me and it all goes to shit?!? It might be easy to laugh, but these are deep, visceral, REAL fears that dominate my thoughts.
I think it's also helped that I've had a series of absolutely GORGEOUS rides on my horse. Not just pretty like weather stuff, but just really magical in how we've come together to work. I still jump a little too quickly to "DO IT NOW" demand and skip the first ask nicely, then tell clearly, then demand firmly. It offends him a bit, but we're both quicker about coming back from that and trying again. We have a clinic soon and I'm very excited!
